Foley Aberas Jones
Huogikku Corporation
55
   |
Posted - 2014.04.23 00:21:00 -
[1] - Quote
*Camera begins to roll to a title card along with a audience cheering and clapping, it then fades to view of Foley standing behind a kitchen counter wearing a chiefs hat, apron and in front of him are various ingredients and High grade explosives , also behind him are 2 very expensive looking stoves, pots, pans and more ingredients*
*Foley raises his hand to que the audience to stop applauding*
Hi im Foley Jones! Welcome to Grenadier gourmet where we don't give a **** about War crimes and in stead make apple pies, before we begin i would like to give a shutout to our sponsors for Acquiring this time slot for us, Scope Works! couldn't had done this with out you!
Now thats out of the way, today we will be cooking a personal favorite of mine, Turkey casserole, now your gonna need the following things
*puts the items on the counter as the camera zooms in to inspect the items*
-A turkey
-Green beans
-Serp approved "sauce", you can find this in any black market near you
-The complete biography of Jacus Roden
-two SMG magazines
-This..i don't know what the **** this is
-2 Locus grenades, , standard, advanced i don't care,
- And your heart *Audience awwwwws*
Ok so the first thing your gonna wanna do is wash your god damn hands *walks over to sink and begins to wash them* yeah, your gonna want the whole family to eat their food clean, always important to do this before cooking
Now that we done that, time to prepare the turkey, now you take your green beans and you shove them riiiiiight up in the turkey's ass like so,
[CENSORED}
Ok now that is done, your gonna take your Biography of Jacus roden and open it to page 42
You doing this? ok so now read about his life as a kid and how he thought he would never accomplish much
ok now close the book and beat the **** out of a Federation officer with it
*Camera cuts to Foley walking up to a federation officer then proceeding to whoop the absolute **** out of him with a god damn book*
*cuts back to the kitchen*
Ok now that your wanted for assault
Now tear chapters 8-20 out and put them inside the turkey...good fiber you know? really good for your body
ok now you want to take your sauce, and does this turkey in it
*begins to pour sauce, camera gets a close in*
Mmmm..Don't you just wanna touch it..i know i do..in fact..
*Camera cuts to a above shot of Foley Laying down in bed, under the covers while cuddling the turkey, the Following was highly Censored*
mmm your skin is so smo-..Yugo? Yugo are you ******* film- oh yous on of a *****! *gets up and begins chasing the camera man..but then cuts back to the kitchen*
Well that was fun! ok so now we gotta take the two mags, now we gotta drizzle the turkey with the bullets,,yeah just dump that **** on there
*makes it rain bullets on the turkey*
"Good source of iron.also give the food some thickness and texture...ok now push a few into the turkey..so it mixes with the fumes and melts in with ti all..very good flavoring after that...ok now for the main event..time to add the boom to it all"
*puts the grenades form before into view on the counter*
now go back to the ass of the turkey and get ready to shove this **** in, ready? ok now on 3"
1
2
2.5
2.9
80
3!
*shoves both grenades into the turkey..and there is a sudden ticking*
"Ok so now we go- oh **** i think i pulled the p-
*explosion takes the view of the entire camera..when it clears the camera is on its side, as Foley is screaming in the background*
"OH GOD! OH GOD MY HANDS ARE GONE..H GOD MY NIPPLES ARE SO DAMN HARD, FEEL SO GOO-"
[TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES - PLEASE STAND BY]
*camera cuts back to the now ruined kitchen with bits of turkey and green beans and rodens life scattered all over..and theres foley with half a hand left trying to eat a silver of turkey*
"Mmmm, now thats so god damn good turkey casserole..well thats all for today ladies and gents..what do you wanna see next episode? please leave your suggestions on what i shall prepare next!"
[END] |